Blinders : Hindsight

People live with so many secrets and so much shame it can cause them to feel alone and unwanted. Like this world is a horrible place for many. We will never understand everything about each other. One thing i will continue to do is try my best to research things i dont completely understand.

i’ve learned a lot of things about people by observation. I see how they interact with the people who agree with them and also those who challenge their way of thinking. It’s interesting. One thing God has gave us is the gift of thinking for ourselves. I feel really bad when I see other people play themselves but i stay neutral cause we know how shit backfires on the person who was just trying to help.

I was sitting there looking at pictures that one of my half siblings posted about our dad. She described him as this superman. He was the best at this and that and so on and so forth. One thing i really wish this man did was spread that love to me and my sister. I can never see him as she does. I respect that she is just going by what she was raised by. On the other hand wouldn’t you wonder what your older siblings did to not get the same love and attention. Didnt they need the same thing you got? I  guess ill never know since she hasnt reached out. She is now a mother herself and she will hopefully never experience anything i have had to go through.

That issue with my dad will rest in the arms of the creator unless he approaches me to discuss it. Doesn’t do me any good to hold on to those questions. I’m 40 and half my life is over. I will have 2 adult children next year. They know their dads. They know i did my best to stay cordial with both of them. Never kept them away and never caused any trouble. I learned that from my mother. Never interfere in those relationships…so i know she didn’t keep us from him. He wasn’t interested. I judge people by their actions.

I just couldn’t keep that thought from my head today. How could you not want to know more? They dont reach out and they don’t acknowledge we are kin. It’s laughable. One day she may need her big sister… who knows. I won’t hold my breath. Wish it wasnt so many broken ties on both sides of my family but oh well. I see it for what it is… blinders off.

Thanks for reading and dont forget to like or comment. I would love to hear your views.

Budda

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3 thoughts on “Blinders : Hindsight

  1. michy2228 says:

    Great read. I have 2 brothers and a sister from my father’s first marriage that I haven’t seen since I was 2 years old. We all didn’t have a great experience with our dad at all, but I was created out of an affair by parents who were both married to other people. My mothers 2nd husband cheated on her, so she cheated on him with my dad. My dad’s first wife never cheated. I feel that I’m looked at as the child from an affair. I would like to have a relationship with my other siblings, but I won’t try anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Katrina says:

    I am learning to watch what people do rather than what they say… I have prayed over your situation with your dad and was hopeful that the bond or lack thereof would improve… I love the idea of being all about family and togetherness but I also realize that is not always possible…you are a great mother daughter sister aunt and friend….all in all it’s their loss if they never decide to reach out…keep striving for greatness my friend and continue to love those who love you back

    Liked by 1 person

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