I wrote the post below in my women’s group but this transparent moment needs a bigger platform. Please note I am a mother but it’s so hard to celebrate the day without my mom being alive. It’s been some time but it doesn’t get easier. Read and comment below if you can relate.
i’m one of the folks who can look at a picture and remember exactly where i was and what state i was in. This picture was snapped by my daughter while we were at the hospice visiting my mother who at this point was in full transition. She wasn’t talking anymore, she wasn’t eating. She made eye contact from time to time and came too at the craziest moments. It was my turn to spend the night with her (we rotated). I just wanted to tell her something that I was going through at the time but how dare i do that to her when she is dying. I told her I wish I did more… She said “you have done everything i have ever asked you to do and i’m proud of you, now take care of you” I swear she never said another word and I had to tell her thank you for being my mom. I stood out there by the water and just asked God to take her pain away…My mother died 9/12/13 at 56. She was a very strong woman. To see her helpless and defeated did something to me. I try to make sure my kids don’t witness that from me. It’s very hard. I have my issues and ailments but I just keep on going like my mom did. See this thing called cancer snatched the wind from her not all the other shit like divorce, single parenting, homelessness, domestic violence, and so on. Yet her presence is felt because she left her mark on everyone she touched.
i know this is long winded but it was on my heart. Even with the tears streaming down my face I don’t look for pity, I just want those who still have a mom on this Earth to know this has to be the hardest hurdle i’ve had to deal with. My hero is not here. My confidant is not here physically. She is always near to my heart and my thoughts. Cherish your mom and yourself. Blessings.