I was sitting here listening to K. Michelle’s “Build A Man” and I couldn’t help but agree with her in some ways. I’ve learned over the years that it’s not smart to outline the traits you are looking for to prospective suitors. For some reason you end up with the one pretending to be everything you want until they get you caught up. Then the truth reveals itself and stuck in love with a pretender.
I have grasped that everyone isn’t like my most recent ex. I understand that the things that occurred had nothing to do with me. I was who I said I was. I represented myself to the fullest and sometimes you give those gift to the wrong muthafuggas. It okay, lesson learned… no one died. Feelings get hurt everyday. Trust get’s broken. That’s life. I can laugh now.
I sometimes wonder if I can build a better me. Like go back to the drawing board and wipe some stains off. Honestly my flaws make me so damn special i think i may hold on to most of them. My biggest fear… is leaving this earth before seeing my kids do well on their own. I’ve spent the last 18 years of my life being mommy. My strength is they are watching me. My weakness is disappointing them. So far my babies are satisfied with who they have. They just want me to be happy. My solution is to just keep representing a hard-working, loving , and sacrificing mom. God gone fix me I’m sure.
Building a man never would be my thing anyway… I like a challenge. I must have a person who can take me to another place mentally. No sex, no bling, no “pretending” to be in to me. I want him to make shit difficult for me. I want to learn from him. I just won’t hand him the playbook. He will have to read, comprehend, and study this “paperback”. No more handouts. No more living in the past. I’m ready…to build me a future.
thanks for reading,